Of Wands and Wizards
by zerotherat
Summary: Harry Potter is killed by Lord Voldemort during the final battle. But he soon realizes that what should be the end is merely the beginning. Contains crossover scenarios. Disclaimer for entire story: I do not own anything you recognize, including characters, quotes, or places. Everything belongs to their respective authors.
1. Chapter 1

Death came smoothly, with all the familiarity of donning a warm cloak. Harry was surprised; he has expected it to _hurt_ more. But no, there was merely the expected flash of a light as green as his own eyes, and then nothing but a comforting darkness. Harry reveled in the perfect quiet, the calm stillness, and the serene sense of peace that filled him. He smiled softly, feeling as though the burden of the world had been lifted from his shoulders. He laid there, eyes closed, anticipating the everlasting slumber he knew was to come. But instead of that final sleep, a strange restlessness seeped into his consciousness. Brow furrowed, he shifted slightly. Slowly, the quiet was filled with whispered disjointed phrases-

-"**Yer a wizard, Harry…"**

**-"I will not pay for some crackpot old fool to teach him magic tricks!"**

**-"You've got your mother's eyes…"**

**-"Harry Potter…our newest celebrity…"**

-Followed by vibrant memories that danced across his mind-

**-The darkness of his cupboard, dust falling as Dudley stomped up the stairs…**

**-Olivander's expression as Harry's wand chose him…**

**-Molly Weasley loudly asking the platform number as she herded her brood through King's Cross Station…**

**("But wait****," ****a little voice in the back of his mind whispered, "Didn't she attend Hogwarts herself for seven years, and then send her children off on the train every year for nine? Shouldn't she have already known the platform number?")**

**-The thick parchment his Hogwarts acceptance letter was written on…**

**("Ah," that little voice murmured, "Come to think of it, wasn't your letter addressed to the cupboard under the stairs?")**

**-The start of term feast in which Albus Dumbledore solemnly warned that the third year corridor was out of bounds to any student who did not wish to die a very painful death…**

**("Hmm…" the voice mused. "Bringing a troll, a three-headed dog, and a possessed professor into a school filled with children…")**

**-Hermione clutching him tightly as she and Harry rode Buckbeak to the north tower to rescue Sirius Black…**

**("An innocent man condemned to life in prison without a trial…")**

**-The grave ("But not surprised," the voice whispered) look on Dumbledore's face as Harry Potter's name came out of the Goblet of Fire…**

**-Blood seeping from the back of his hand as Harry was forced to carve "I must not tell lies" into his skin…**

**("Which was punishment from a **_**teacher**_**, no less…")**

Harry's breathing became harsh and ragged as his memories assaulted him. No, he refused to believe it. The voice was lying. Everything that had happened to him was chance, nothing more. Dumbledore wouldn't orchestrate any of the hardships he had to go through. Dumbledore wouldn't…

"**Wouldn't let your parents die?" **

Harry stiffened.

"**Oh, Harry…" the voice said sympathetically. "Albus Dumbledore sent your parents into hiding…he set up the Fidelius Charm himself. Your parents trusted him explicitly. Surely you don't believe they switched secret keepers without him knowing? " **

Harry couldn't comprehend the implications of that; they sent his mind spinning and his stomach roiling. Dumbledore wasn't evil…

"**Evil?" the voice said, amused. "Most certainly not. Albus Dumbledore was the greatest advocate for the Light side possible. He wanted to defeat the Dark…at any cost." **

Harry shuddered. Death was nothing he had expected. Shouldn't there be a bright light, maybe his mother to greet him and explain things? Why was he worrying about all of this when it had already ended?

"**Ah, young Harry," the voice chided, "absolutely nothing has ended. Quite the opposite, in fact. Everything is just beginning. As Albus Dumbledore himself once said, death is nothing but the next great adventure!"**

Harry didn't think he particularly liked the sound of that. When it came to him, it seemed nothing was ever forthright and easy.

Not even Death.


	2. Chapter 2

The darkness in which Harry laid was gradually replaced by light. Groggily, and reluctantly, Harry opened his eyes and sat up. What he saw surprised him. He was in a garden.

"**The powers that be have given you a choice," the voice in his mind murmured. "You may choose to die and go on into the afterlife, or you may stay and learn from others the skills you will need to go back and preserve your world."**

Harry frowned. So he had a choice?

"**Yes, Harry, you do. You may go on, if you wish. Your parents and Sirius Black are waiting and would be most pleased to see you. Or you can learn from what we can teach you and be sent back among the living in your world to defeat the Dark Lord once and for all."**

Harry almost laughed. So he could be reunited with his loved ones of go back to pain and fear? It wasn't even a choice.

"**Ah," the voice whispered, sounding sad. "Well, it is your choice. Your friends will be reunited with you shortly in either case."**

Harry froze. His memories of living already seemed rather hazy, but he remembered the look of determination on Ron's face as he destroyed the locket Horcrux. He remembered Hermione clasping his hand as they went to look at the ruins of Godric Hollow. He remembered Ginny pressing her soft lips to his, the scent of her strawberry shampoo drifting around him. Was moving on abandoning them to torture and death at the hands of Voldemort? After all they did for him…they gave up their lives, their futures, to help him. They stood by him when no one else would. Ron had left, but he had come back. Hermione, Ron, Ginny, Neville, Seamus, Dean, Cedric, Katie, Alicia, Fred, George, Bill, Justin, Hannah, even Draco…everyone who had tried to help him at the risk of their own lives. Could he really turn his back on all of them?

But then, he reasoned with himself, was it fair to him to have to go back? He was so tired, had done so much for the wizarding world. And at what cost? Everyone who had loved him was dead. He closed his eyes again, picturing his parents' faces. What came to mind, however, was Ginny. Her silky red hair, her sparkling blue eyes. Following her image came Hermione, her untamed glossy curls and pretty amber eyes…

"**You have yet had the chance to live. We can help you."**

We?

"**We can let you learn from others, thus showing you what is needed to defeat He Who Must Not Be Named." **

Harry sighed, thinking longingly of his parents once more. His every fiber was screaming at him to go and be with them, but deep down he knew that he had to go back. He addressed the voice, speaking out loud for the first time since dying.

"What do I have to do?"

"**Follow the signs…" the voice sighed, trailing off. **

"What signs?"

Silence.

"Great," Harry muttered. "I just love vague explanations."

He sighed, looking around him before sinking down into the tall grass. The garden was quiet. A gentle breeze fluttered the flowers, sending forth a fragrant perfume. The sun beat down, making Harry warm and drowsy. He closed his eyes, enjoying the warmth, until-

"I'm late, I'm late, for a very important date! No time for hellos or goodbyes, I'm late, late, late!"

Harry jumped about a mile in the air, startled by the sudden voice. What startled him even more was where the voice came from. Harry Potter had lived in a magical world for seven years. He had seen some amazing and odd things. But nothing compared to what he was seeing now.

A white rabbit in a waistcoat was frantically running through the garden. He had a pocket watch in one paw and clearly didn't notice Harry half hidden in the tall grass. He zipped across the flowers and shoved the watch into his coat pocket before diving into what appeared to be a rather large rabbit hole at the base of a tree.

Harry sat there, bemused. Footsteps alerted him to another presence.

A girl appeared to be following the rabbit. And oddly familiar girl with long blonde hair. She paused at the rabbit hole.

"Curiouser and curiouser…" she murmured. She cast a quick glance around her before taking a breath and jumping into the hole.

Harry sprang to his feet. He had got but a glimpse of the girl's face, but he knew exactly who it was. He ran to the rabbit hole and sighed before climbing down into it, following after Luna Lovegood.

Just when he thought things couldn't get any stranger.


	3. Chapter 3

Falling down the rabbit hole proved beyond doubt to be one of the strangest things Harry had ever done. For one, the fall was seemingly never-ending. And then add in the random objects that kept hitting him as he fell, such as teapots, books, buttered toast, and chairs. Harry, who at first was rather startled to be falling, soon became rather bored with it all. He sighed. This is what he got for his hero complex.

Deep in thought, he didn't notice the fall coming to an end. He did, however, notice the ground when it hit him. Cursing, he stood up, brushing himself off.

"Those aren't very nice words."

Harry jumped, startled. He turned around.

"Oh, Luna. Merlin, you about scared me to death. Where are we?" He looked around. They seemed to be in a large room devoid of anything except for a small glass table. Luna Lovegood stared at him, her big blue eyes curious.

"I'm not sure where we are."

Harry groaned. "Great. So now what?"

Luna tilted her head. "Well, I'm going to go through that door." She pointed.

For the first time, Harry noticed a door the size of a mouse hole near the floor.

"Er, Luna…I really don't think we will fit."

Luna smiled. "Well, I imagine that's what that is for."

Harry followed where she was pointing. There, sitting on the glass table, was a small bottle. Tied around the bottle was a note that read: Drink Me.

Harry frowned. "Luna…"

Luna turned to him. "Who is Luna?"

Harry was taken aback. Slowly he said "You are….aren't you?"

Luna tilted her head again. "My name is Alice."

"Er…right. Did you hit your head in that fall?"

Luna, or Alice, smiled serenely at him. "No, I landed perfectly well. Thank you for the concern, though. I noticed you hit the ground. I'm sure that hurt."

Harry nodded slowly. "Er…yeah, I suppose it did…"

She smiled again before walking toward the table.

"Wait," Harry said, stepping in front of her. "I really don't think you should drink that. An unmarked potion telling you to drink it? No, thanks."

Luna pouted. "I don't think I like you very much. I don't even know you."

Harry frowned. "I'm Harry."

She laughed. "No, not really. The bit on your head is rather messy, but other than that you seem rather smooth. Which isn't altogether a good thing, considering your age."

Harry blinked. "What? No! Not hairy. Harry. H-A-R-R-Y. Harry."

The girl laughed again. "What an odd name! Well, H-A-R-R-Y, I'm going to drink that now, and then I'm going to go through that door. You can come, or not."

This was turning out to be the strangest day in Harry's life. What did this have to do with him dying, or Voldemort? He felt certain Fate was having a laugh at him. Still, he was here, and he was already dead. If that potion was poisonous, it might as well be him who drank it first, instead of Luna or Alice or whoever she was. Surely he couldn't die twice?

"Look, I'll drink it first. And if I don't…well, if nothing bad happens to me, then you can drink it. Okay?"

Luna nodded her agreement, silky white-blonde hair rippling.

Harry took a deep breath and picked up the bottle. It was glass, and cool to the touch. He uncorked it and sniffed. It smelled of honeysuckle and mint. He lifted it to his lips.

"Cheers."


	4. Chapter 4

The potion tasted nutty and felt rather slimy going down his throat. He took only one quick gulp, then put the bottle down and waited.

Alice watched him interestedly.

Harry waited.

And waited.

Nothing.

"Hmm," Alice mused. "Perhaps you ought to drink more."

Harry opened his mouth to reply, but was suddenly filled with a strange tingling feeling. The tug around his navel reminded him of a portkey, and yet at the same time it felt as though he were being…tightened. The feeling in his arms and legs was reminiscent of having one of your limbs fall asleep, and then trying to use it. He began to get light-headed. Slowly, everything in the room began to get larger and larger. Alice loomed over him, a giant.

"Oh, you're so tiny!" she said, prodding him with a massive finger. He fell backward. "I want to try!"

Before he could utter a word, for it felt as though he hadn't really gotten hold of his senses again yet, Alice had taken a swallow of the potion. Moments later she joined him in size.

"Wonderful!" she exclaimed. "Now we can fit through the door!"

She ran over to the door, with Harry following uneasily. He found his size to be very disconcerting and uncomfortable.

The door itself was an ornate wooden door, with carved flora and fauna curving around the edges. It was polished mahogany, and the doorknob was a burnished gold. It was, all in all, a very pretty door.

Alice eagerly grabbed the handle and turned.

Nothing.

She shook the handle.

Still nothing.

"It's locked," she said. Harry groaned.

"Brilliant, after all that the door is-" he stopped, his face lighting up. "Merlin, am I stupid." He reached into his back pocket…and yes, there it was. He pulled out his wand.

Alice stared.

Harry pointed his wand at the door. "Alohamora!"

Nothing.

Harry frowned. He pointed his wand again. "Lumos!"

Nothing.

"Just bloody great," he fumed, shoving the wand back into his pocket.

Alice hadn't been paying him any attention. "I wonder," she mused, "If perhaps we need that key?"

"Key?" Harry said. "There isn't a key."

Alice pointed. "Yes there is."

Harry followed her gaze. There, lying on the glass table near the potion bottle, was a silver key.

"That wasn't there when we were large!" Harry said, furious. It seemed this room was a sort of Room of Requirement, only very much less helpful. "There is no way for us to reach that now!"

"Perhaps we ought to try that?"

"That" turned out to be a small pastry box sitting at the foot of the table. It was pink and tied with a purple silk ribbon. Harry sighed, and then opened it up. Inside the box was a small white cake. In pink icing were the words: _**Eat Me.**_

"No," Harry said firmly as Alice prodded it curiously. "No. We are NOT eating that." Memories of Fred and George's culinary treats flashed through his mind. He shuddered. "We would probably turn into something terrible, and I for one…"

Alice took a bite of the cake.

Harry groaned.

Alice grew.

She picked up the key, and then took another swallow of the potion. Soon she, and the key, were back to Harry's size. Harry stood there, resigned, as she put the key into the keyhole and turned. With a loud creak, the handle turned and the door opened. Despite all the strange things that had happened to him since he died, he was not prepared for the sight that greeted him.

Harry and Alice followed the broken stone path that led from the door down a curving hill. Just before they rounded the end of the hill, Harry looked back.

The door was gone.

Uneasily, Harry looked around at his surroundings. This world was very different from magical Britain. Lush dark green grass sprung up underfoot. Huge trees with gnarled trunks and glossy purple leaves towered above, casting shadows upon the ground. The air smelled tangy, like ripe fruit. Odd sounds floated on the breeze, whispers and laughter and howls. Harry took a step back as a tiny insect flew up to his face. Its body was orange and bright, it's wings iridescent. It blinked at him with bulbous green eyes before breathing a wisp of fire and flitting away. As they passed a cluster of pale yellow flowers, a cloud of butterflies rose up. Harry blinked. The wings of the butterflies weren't actually wings at all. Rather, they appeared to be…buttered toast?

Harry turned to Alice. "Is this your world?"

Alice looked around dreamily. "It's just what I would want it to be. If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing will be what it is, because everything will be what it isn't. In contrary wise, what it is it wouldn't be, and what it wouldn't be it would. You see?"

Harry definitely did not see. He tried wrapping his mind around Alice's logic, but failed miserably. Giving up, he asked resignedly, "So you don't know where we are, then?"

Alice smiled.

"We are in a Wonderland."


	5. Chapter 5

Harry and Alice had been walking for what seemed like ages, and yet time did not seem to pass. This should have alarmed Harry; however, he was too weary to care very much. They seemed to be walking deep into a forest. Gnarled blue trunked trees grew from the ground, rising high into the sky, their purple and red leaves bearing strange blue striped fruit. Strange birds of the likes Harry had never before seen peered down on him from the branches, occasionally giving a low chirp.

"Luna…er, Alice…look, we've been walking for ages. Maybe we should stop, get some rest?"

Alice nodded placidly. "Alright, Harry."

They walked until they found a small clearing in the trees. Harry sank into the lush grass with a grateful sigh. The grass smelled faintly of mint. He closed his eyes, breathing in deeply. He heard Alice sit down next to him, but that was the last thing he was aware of before sleep took over.

When he awoke, it was dark. The forest was almost unnaturally silent, with only the occasional chirp or rustle. He yawned, and then sat up and stretched. Alice was sleeping peacefully next to him, looking remarkably young in her slumber. Harry frowned, scrutinizing her features. Her porcelain skin was smooth and unmarred. Her eyelashes were long and pale. Her cheekbones were high, her lips a pale pink cupid's bow. Her hair, so pale blonde it was almost white, fanned around her like silk, reflecting the golden starlight. She was very pretty. She was also completely identical to Luna Lovegood, and not just in appearance. Her dreamy, vague attitude and upside-down view of things was perfectly Luna. Harry couldn't make sense of her.

In fact, there were quite a few things Harry couldn't make sense of. Luna, or Alice, had called this place Wonderland. While the name certainly suited the strange world he found himself in, he wasn't quite sure _why_ he was here. The voice in his mind had told him he needed to learn how to defeat Voldemort, which Harry heartily agreed with. However, how was being here possibly going to help? Maybe he was really dead after all. Maybe this was what death was, random nonsense. It all felt rather like a strange dream he couldn't wake up from. He felt that must be it. Either this was all some dream, possibly caused by consuming something made by Fred and George or he was dead and this was what he was doomed to do for eternity, wander through some nonsensical world with Luna Lovegood's long lost twin.

Both choices depressed Harry.

He groaned.

"Hullo," a reedy voice suddenly said. Harry jumped, springing to his feet.

"Hullo," the voice said again. Harry spun around in the darkness, trying to find the speaker. What he saw made his head begin to hurt.

Standing a few feet away were two of the strangest parodies of Fred and George he had ever seen. They were about four feet high, with the trademark Weasley hair that could be seen even in the dark and even though they were both wearing rainbow striped beanies. They were very rotund.

"What are you doing?" the first one asked.

Harry stared.

"Do you think," the first one said.

"That he's dumb?" the second one finished.

Alice had awoken at the sound of the voices. She smiled at the two creatures.

"Oh, hello."

"Hello!"

"Pleasure to-"

"Meet you!"

They both stuck their hands out, blushing deeply when Alice obligingly shook them.

"Are you-"

"Lost?"

Alice thought for a moment. "No, I think, rather, we don't know where we are going."

The two found this fascinating.

"It must be nice-"

"Going somewhere. I wish-"

"We could go somewhere."

"Perhaps we could go to-"

"A party!"

"Yes, a party! Maybe with the-"

"Mad Hatter!"

Harry's head began to ache in earnest. "Er, look…we need to find someone who can tell us about this place…"

The twins bobbed their heads.

"You need-"

"Advice! Then you ought to see-"

"The Caterpillar!"

Alice tilted her head. "The Caterpillar?"

The twins nodded enthusiastically.

"The Caterpillar! He is so-"

"Very wise!"

"You can find him-"

"That way!"

The first twin pointed east, the second west.

Harry stared.

"Um, which way?"

"That way!"

The second twin pointed east, the first pointed west. They stared at each other, and then swiveled around, hitting their heads against each other. They fell to the ground, looking like giant red overall-clad eggs.

"Right…"Harry said slowly. "Well, thanks for the help. Come on, Alice." He began edging away.

Alice beamed at the twins, giving each a kiss on the cheek. They both turned bright red, their beanies whirling frantically.

Harry grabbed Alice's hand and dragged her away. They walked in silence for several minutes. The trees thickened and the air began to smell vaguely of burnt fruit.

"Merlin," Harry breathed. "I'm dead. I must be dead. I must have done something wrong. What did I do to deserve this?"

Alice cocked her head, her pale blue eyes studying him critically. "You don't look dead. Are you sure you are?"

Harry sighed. He was tired of this so-called Wonderland already. His head throbbed. "I don't even know what I am anymore."

"I should think," a drawling voice interrupted them, "That you shouldn't worry so much about _**what**___you are as you should about _**who**_you are."

Harry knew that voice. He knew it very well. Suddenly, this dream was beginning to turn into a nightmare.

Taking a deep breath, he turned around and looked through the cloud of purple smoke at the large blue caterpillar with Severus Snape's voice.


	6. Chapter 6

The Caterpillar blew a ring of purple smoke at Harry. "Well?" he said. "**WHO **are you?"

Harry coughed, brushing away the smoke. "I'm Harry Potter."

The Caterpillar sniffed disdainfully. "How do you know?"

Harry frowned. "How do I know what?"

The Caterpillar took another long drag of his hookah. "How do you know **WHO **you are when you don't even know **WHEN **you are."

This was all getting to be a bit much.

"Look," Harry said, at his wit's end, "If everyone is going to insist on speaking in riddles and nonsense, I'm done. I'm leaving."

"Oh?" said the Caterpillar, uninterested. "And **WHERE **would you go?" He blew several blue smoke rings in Harry's direction.

Alice agreed. "He has a point."

Harry grimaced. "Fine, you two can have a right nice chat, then." He turned to leave. He made it a few steps before the Caterpillar spoke again.

"You will find it difficult indeed to leave before you **LEARN **what you need to **KNOW." **

Harry paused. "About Voldemort, you mean?"

The Caterpillar took a long drag. "**SHE** knows."He blew a pink ring at Alice, who laughed delightedly.

"What?" Harry looked at Alice. "You know something that can help me? What is it?"

Smiling, Alice looked at Harry. She stood up straight and clasped her hands in front of her like a little girl reciting a lesson.

"How doth the little crocodile

Improve his shining tail,

And pour the waters of the Nile

On every golden scale!

How cheerfully he seems to grin,

How neatly spread his claws,

And welcome little fishes in

With gently smiling jaws!"

Harry stared. "Right," he said.

The Caterpillar blew green smoke at him. "You **SEE?"**

Harry shook his head, turning away.

"**STUPID **boy," the Caterpillar scoffed. Alice shook her head sadly.

Harry spun back around. "Why don't you explain it, then? Instead of all this ridiculousness! Know what, you can keep your poems and riddles and nonsense! I'll figure it out myself!" He stormed away, anger pounding through his veins. He heard the light footsteps of Alice behind him, but ignored her. He kicked at roots and leaves, growling in frustration.

"AHH!" he shouted, hitting his fist against a tree. "WHY ME? WHY HERE?"

He began to run. The trees flashed by him in a blur of color. He ran and ran and ran until his lungs were on fire. Panting, he burst through a curtain of vines and found himself in another clearing. Alice trailed close behind him.

"Oh, look," she said, not looking as though she had run at all, though Harry knew she had chased after him. "A party! How fun!"

Harry followed her gaze, and suddenly the weight on his shoulders lifted. Giving a happy cry, he ran toward the long table in the middle of the forest clearing.

"Professor Dumbledore!"

Albus Dumbledore was sitting at the head of the table, his long white beard tied around his neck like a scarf. He had on a rather absurd top hat and was holding a chipped cup of tea in his hand. He looked toward Alice and Harry.

"Oh!" he cried. "Guests!"

Alice stepped forward eagerly. "How do you do! Is this a birthday party? I do so love birthday parties!"

Dumbledore scoffed.

A Hare, which Harry noticed now for the first time, spoke up. Harry knew he shouldn't be surprised, but he still gaped when he heard Filius Flitwick's voice. "Birthday? My dear child, this is NOT a birthday party."

Dumbledore nodded. "Of course not. This is an unbirthday party."

"Oh!" Alice said.

"Come, come," Dumbledore said genially. "Join us. Sit!"

Alice obliged, taking a seat left of Dumbledore. Harry sighed, and then sat down next to the Hare. "Mad as a Hatter, that one," the Hare whispered to Harry, nodding toward Dumbledore, who was humming as he buttered his teacup. Harry nodded uncertainly.

"Tea?" the Hare inquired, handing Harry a cup. A small head popped out of it.

"Oh," the Dormouse said in Minerva McGonagall's voice. "A guest! I do so love guests!" Hiccupping drunkenly, the Dormouse began to sing.

"Twinkle, twinkle, little bat

How I wonder what you're at!

Up above the world you fly

Like a tea-tray in the sky."

She hiccupped again, sinking back into the cup, which Harry sat gently down on the table.

Alice had been looking around. The table was overfilled with teapots and cups and saucers, and the ground underneath was littered with broken china and half-eaten scones. "It looks as though you have been celebrating a long time."

Dumbledore froze. "Do not mention Time to me. That's why I'm here, you know."

"Why?" Harry asked, interested. Dumbledore looked around before leaning forward.

"I murdered Time," he whispered. Alice gasped.

"What?" Harry asked, confused.

Dumbledore sighed. "It all started when I sang for the Queen of Hearts at her celebration. I sang a very lovely song-"

"It was horrid," the Hare muttered.

"And when I was done, the Queen accused me of killing Time! It so offended Time that now Time doesn't move at all for me. I am stuck in Time…at tea time."

Harry put his face into his hands.

The Hare spoke up. "I have an excellent idea, LETS CHANGE THE SUBJECT."

Dumbledore dunked a pocket watch into his tea.

"Oh!" he exclaimed. "Tea Time! Everyone switch!" He stood up and took the Hare's seat. The Hare nudged Harry out of his chair and sat down, and Alice sat in Dumbledore's seat. Harry stood up, brushing grass off himself.

"Look, Professor, I have a few things I really need to ask you…about Voldemort and my parents."

Dumbledore looked grave. Harry pressed on desperately.

"I know there's a lot you didn't tell me. But I need you to be honest now. I need to figure out how to defeat him so I can go back! Please, Professor!"

Dumbledore leaned toward Harry. "I have something to ask you as well."

Harry nodded, hope lighting up his face.

"Why," Dumbledore asked, his face very serious, "Is a raven like a writing desk?"

Harry felt as though the world was crashing down on him. He stood up unsteadily. "Pardon me," he said, slightly hysterical. "I really must be going."

Alice stood up as well. "Happy unbirthday!" she called over her shoulder, following Harry. In the distance they could hear the mad trio singing.

"Are you all right?" Alice asked gently.

Harry swiped at his face angrily. "No, Luna, I'm not."

Alice patted his arm sympathetically.

"It's just…ugh! Nothing here has been even remotely helpful! It's all tea parties and Mad Hatter and White Rabbits.."

"If you're looking for him," came Sirius Black's voice from above them, "He went that way."

Harry froze. His godfather's voice washed over him. Pain and hope filled his voice. "Sirius?"

Laying lazily on a branch above Harry and Alice's heads was a big purple striped cat.

Harry choked back laughter, becoming hysterical again. Sirius, Snuffles, a cat?

Alice tilted her head at him. "Who did?"

The Cat yawned. "The White Rabbit."

"He did?"

The Cat grinned. "He did what?"

Alice frowned. "Go this way."

"Who?"

For once, Alice was at a loss for words. The Cat looked at Harry, his tail twitching. "You should follow him, you know. Or you can ask the Mad Hatter."

Harry scoffed. "No thanks. I'd rather not be around anymore mad people."

"Oh, you can't help that. Most everyone's mad here."

Harry frowned.

The Cat laughed as he began to disappear. "You may have noticed I'm not all here myself. Find the Rabbit…"

He slowly vanished until all the remained was his grin, hanging in the air.

"Funny," Alice mused, "I've often seen a cat without a grin, but never a grin without a cat."

Harry sighed. "Well," he said in defeat, "Let's find that Rabbit."


	7. Chapter 7

Harry and Alice set off in the direction the Cat had looked when telling them which way the White Rabbit went. The day was warm and the air fragrant with the scent of honeysuckle mixed with mint. They walked, and walked, and walked. Alice hummed under her breath and stared up at the sky, and Harry was lost deep in his thoughts. Both were startled, therefore, when the next Wonderland inhabitants scurried in front of them.

It appeared they had wandered into a garden. Rose trees blossomed everywhere, their silky white petals gleaming. It looked almost normal, until you looked closer. A tree in the far corner of the garden was currently being painted by what appeared to be three life-size playing cards. They frantically sloshed red paint over the pristine white roses with a sort of desperation.

"Oh no, oh no," one of the Cards, a Three of Spades, muttered, throwing the entire can of paint of the tree and scurrying on the next, "We must paint the roses red!"

"Yes," agreed another, a Six of Hearts. "If we don't paint the roses red, we will surely lose our heads!"

The trio moved around the garden like a dervish, tossing red paint over almost all of the trees. Before they could finish painting the last one, however, a bugle sounded and a procession marched into the garden. The Cards dropped flat onto the ground in a bow.

Near the front of the company was none other than the White Rabbit. Harry moved to spring forward, but Alice grabbed his arm.

"Wait," she said seriously. She looked pointedly at the person behind the Rabbit.

The head of the procession was who Harry assumed must be the Queen of Hearts. She was very fat, draped in a red velvet robe, a heart-shaped scepter in her hand. On top of her rather massive head was a crown. But what startled Harry the most were her eyes. They were red slits.

The Queen moved through the garden, her company trailing behind her.

"Your Majesty," the White Rabbit was saying in what Harry now realized was Cornelius Fudge's voice, "You have a trial soon, for the Knave of Hearts. He's been accused, you remember, of stealing all your tarts. And then…" He trailed off as the Queen waved her hand at him.

"Yes, yes. I know all of that! Look at my garden. Isn't it lovely?" She plucked a dripping rose and held it to her nose. She inhaled. A drop of red paint splashed down onto her already red robes. The Queen froze.

"**WHO**," she bellowed, her chins quivering, "**HAS PAINTED MY ROSES RED**?"

The Cards on the ground trembled. The Red Queen rounded upon them. "**Who's been painting my roses red? WHO'S BEEN PAINTING MY ROSES RED? Who dares to taint, with vulgar paint , the royal flower bed? For painting my roses red, someone will lose his head**!"

The first Card pointed toward the second. "Oh no, Your Majesty, please! It's all *his* fault!"

The second Card looked desperate. "Not me, your grace! The ace, the ace!"

The Queen turned to the last Card, a Black Ace. **"YOU?"**

"No!" he cried. "The two!"

"You two?" the Queen asked the first Cards.

"Not me! Not me! The three!"

"**THAT"S ENOUGH! OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!" **

Six more Cards came forward and picked up the three offending Cards, who pleaded for mercy. The Queen ignored them as they were dragged off. Harry frowned.

"That's a bit harsh, isn't it?"

Every head in the garden snapped toward him.

"And who," the Queen asked dangerously, "Are you?"

Harry sighed. He was sick of that question. "I'm Harry Potter."

"And where do you come from?"

Harry frowned. "Well, I'm trying to find my way home..."

The Queen glared at him. "_Your _way? All ways here are my ways!"

Harry furrowed his brow. "Right…"

From seeming nowhere, the Cat appeared. "All ways here you see, are the QUEEN'S WAYS!"

"I don't think the Queen likes us very much," Alice observed placidly.

"Oh, she's mad about you!" the Cat assured her. "Simply _mad_!"

The Queen was starting to get very red in the face as she stared at Harry. The Cat sidled up to him.

"You know? We could make her *really* angry! Shall we try?"

Harry shook his head.

"Oh, but its loads of fun!"

"Look, I don't really care who you are," Harry said to the Queen. The Cat chuckled delightedly. "But I need to speak to the White Rabbit."

All eyes turned to the White Rabbit, who quivered. "My Lady, I do not know who he is."

The Queen turned back to Harry. "He does not know you."

Harry frowned. "Yeah, well, the Cat told me…"

"Cat? What Cat?"

Harry sighed. "That Cat." He pointed. The Cat was gone.

The Queen walked toward him dangerously. "I warn you dear child, if I lose my temper, you lose your head. Understand?"

Harry was getting frustrated. Out of habit, his fingers curled around his wand.

The Queen stepped even closer. Her red eyes stared at him, and with a jolt Harry knew where before he had seen those eyes. He stared back into them, hatred filling him.

"I warn you," the Queen said in a low voice, "Either you or your head must be **OFF**!"

Harry drew his wand. He pointed it at the Red Queen.

"You bastard! Avada Kedavra!"

No green light flashed from his wand, but a loud **BANG!** And a lot of thick black smoke did.

"**OFF WITH HIS HEAD!" **the Queen shrieked.

The garden was chaos. Smoke made it impossible to see. Harry felt a hand grab his and knew it was Luna. They began to run. Smoke filled his lungs and creatures grabbed at them. The Queen's wailing cry echoed in his ears. His heart was pounding, his breathing ragged. Darkness pressed into him from all sides. They ran, and ran, and ran, until the mad screaming from the garden began to fade. Harry felt the hand slip from his arm.

"Remember, Harry," Alice whispered.

Harry turned to her, but she was gone. There was nothing but silent darkness.

Harry tried walking back, but he didn't seem to go anywhere at all. The silence was deafening.

"**Well," a little voice murmured in his head, "What did you learn?"**

Harry was furious. "I learned absolutely nothing!"

"**Oh?" said the voice.**

"You stuck me in a world where everything was nonsense!" He remembered Luna's words. "Where everything that was wasn't. and everything that wasn't was! How was that supposed to help me?"

The voice was silent. Harry frowned. Flashes of Wonderland played out in his head.

**-Luna Lovegood stared at him. "My name is Alice…"**

**-His wand not working for him…**

**-"How doth the little crocodile…"**

**-"It's just what I would want it to be. If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing will be what it is, because everything will be what it isn't. In contrary wise, what it is it wouldn't be, and what it wouldn't be it would. You see?"**

**-The Blue Caterpillar with Seveus Snape's voice…**

**-** "**Improve his shining tail…"**

**-Dumbledore in his ridiculous top hat, buttering his teacup…**

**-"And pour the waters of the Nile on every golden scale!"**

**-"Mad as a Hatter, that one," Filius Flitwick said…**

**-** "**How cheerfully he seems to grin…"**

**-Dumbledore beaming as he invited them to his unbirthday party…**

**-** "**How neatly spread his claws…"**

**-Harry desperately needed answers from Dumbledore…**

**-** "**And welcome little fishes in with gently smiling jaws!"**

**-"Do you know," Dumbledore asked, looking grave, "Why a raven is like a writing desk?"**

**-The Red Queen with Voldemort's eyes…**

**-"OFF WITH HIS HEAD!" **

**-Cornelius Fudge as the White Rabbit catering to the Red Queen's every need…**

**-Luna's whisper before they parted…"Remember, Harry…" **

Harry's mind whirled. All that nonsense, all that trouble, and to show him what? That Dumbledore was mad and couldn't be trusted? That Voldemort had the Ministry in his back pocket?

"**You begin to see," the voice murmured.**

"Bloody hell!" Harry cursed. "It would have saved everyone a lot of time had you just told me that from the beginning! And I already knew Voldemort had infiltrated the Ministry!"

"**You believed, then, that Albus Dumbledore wanted nothing more than to help you? That he was the greatest wizard of his time?"**

Harry frowned. Dumbledore with his long white beard tied around his neck talking about killing Time was still fresh in his mind.

**The voice chuckled. "Ah, young Harry. You were far too trusting. You didn't realize that nothing was what it seemed."**

Harry sighed. "Well, I do now. So what, do I go back?"

"**Not yet," the voice said, amused. "Not yet."**

"Well, where am I supposed to go, then?" Harry massaged his temples. A roaring sound seemed to be filling his ears.

"**Lovely weather we are having, isn't?" the voice whispered, trailing away. **

A strange yellow light began to appear as the roaring grew louder. Harry closed his eyes against the sound in his head and when he opened them, he was no longer in darkness.

He was standing in a room in what appeared to be a rather old-fashioned muggle house. The roaring grew louder, but suddenly Harry could hear nothing. His heart stopped as he looked the girl kneeling by the bed. Her bushy brown curls hung around her face and she wore a blue and white muggle dress, but Harry knew her. She pulled a large orange cat from under the bed and stood up. She started at the sight of Harry.

"Oh!" Hermione Granger said. "Who are you?" Before Harry could answer, she looked out the window. "Never mind!" she said hastily as Crookshanks yowled and struggled against her hold. "Come on, we need to get to the storm shelter! Auntie Em is waiting!"

Harry followed her gaze out the window and discovered the source of the roaring. A large grey funnel was rampaging directly at them. Debris flew through the air and lightning flashed. The tornado was seconds away.

"Hermione!" he cried, but that was all he was able to say before it went dark and the raging storm enveloped the house.


End file.
